Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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