we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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