My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
