i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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