So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This baby is an asshole
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
