He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
