think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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