these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
