in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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