Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
