Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
