idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
