Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
