Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
