Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize