He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize