dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize