It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
