So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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