Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize