I haven't been this sober since birth.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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