So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
