Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
