Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
