I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
