o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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