Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need water and some morals
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
