I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
