Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
