I think I died a long time ago.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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