My room smells like vodka and shame
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
