I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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