It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
