I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
