I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
