grandma shit on top of the toilet
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize