Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize