Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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