I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
