another moral hangover. fuck.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Welp...herpes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Boobs speak an international language.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
