I love black thongs
Farmville is her only friend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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