tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
