**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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