Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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