Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize