First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize