It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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