I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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