saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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