sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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