remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
