Jerry, you need to find god
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
