i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
