hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
