is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
