literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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