who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
