??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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