I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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