Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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