So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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