Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
