i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
