so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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