Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
