if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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