drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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