I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize