Is it because I queefed?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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